Heartfelt4u

I am going HOME...finally!!!

Dreaming about the time when i would be standing at my doorsteps all strapped up…..watching my mom grin knowing that i wont be going away again...i was cognizant with the irony of that situation. Its time to leave something that has been with me for the past 4-5 yrs - the college campus....the night-outs..my roommates....those open roads...pleasant trees..temple bell....

I donno why?? but everything here seems untuned today.Has someone told them that this is my last day here....that today is all they have to be with me.....or is it the other way around??? I clomped down the roads wishing that life always remained slack....trying to play down the inevitable,that one day even i am gonna be the same'ol dreg that cuts across this piece of land.

Its quiet and cool in my room.I stand by the window staring into the infinite sky above....myriad of thoughts flurrying through my head.Like a chorus of the damned they plead for salvation.......

i think of the Life ahead.

They say it is a Turquoise sky in the making, a SKY so comely beautiful that it cant be real….Like contentment achieved only at the end of a long jading day. Guess its time for us mortals to TRY and attain immortality.

Amongst us are the future CEOs,inventors,investors…moms….dads. So what exactly can get us to that pinnacle? err!!! wrong question. What do I mean by the term 'pinnacle' in this context? ahh!! thats the right one.

My friends say they are finally absolved....free to do what they want to....to actually live life on their own terms. When we talk about freedom of thought, in the philosophical sense,I am definitely cynical because every single one of us acts under peripheral obligations and upto a certain extent an inner need. Free Will as usual plays its part. It is upon us to control and maintain the sanctity of life.

The future is as unknown as Life on earth tomorrow. The present is an illusion slipping through our fingers like dry sand in an ever so tight Fist. Only the past stays, a past which will help us build our future…Build and not Built. The difference between success and greatness lies in how well we understand this past(ours as well as the world’s).

Stories of the lives of our friends sunken in past grandeur confound us. Gone are the days when we could have been complacent. Expectations have risen. We all fear failures. There is nothing that’s gonna happen to us that hasn’t happened to someone else except for our way of handling it. When we speak of Life, all that is expected from us is to lead a simple one, it is as easy and as difficult as that. This world will teach us what we ought to learn in the long run and as always it is upto us to be a good student or a spoilt brat.

Really, no matter what the odds be we have a duty towards life, towards our loved ones. And never mind the millions who make it easy by taking the unrighteous paths, we will live here and we will succeed because then that’s what makes it OUR life.

So,there i was,sitting on the pews of the church of my alma mater.Trying to urge those stupid,cherubic memories to come to life in a sequential manner;trying to avoid a possible bottleneck in this already messed up head of mine.There are so many times when you feel like going back and living life all over again.For me,this is the ONLY moment.

My school.How do I forget that Titanic building,still standing tall,looking all the more resplendent!! Those were the times....Still remember each and every bit of that heavenly Life,still cherish those moments.And my apologies if I evoke some memories!!!! So,this is me,projecting a hologram of all the things that went through my head...

To begin with,I remember those pushpak lectures of Mr. Vincent Lolo(P.S. :May his soul rest in peace)who had a problem with his throat,resulting to which he never uttered a word.Instead he would write whatever he had to say. Then there were those enchanting,scary yet hilarious periods of Mathew Sir...the senseless acts which John sir performed....the nickname specialist Salvi teacher(who btw called me Devegowda,am still wondering "why?")...How can i forget the scariest of the lott,the one person whom we could call "Hitler Of Fatima",Mrs Norma...the torturous and childish(yes,in 7th std we children felt they were childish)routines of Father Pakya(err...Prakash)..how do i forget those brainstorming sessions with Mrs Ciciliy,the only teacher i had a good impression on(thats surprising,isnt it?).........i remember Rita teacher,who for some wierd reason had sort of a "Fast,Faster,Fastest" motto..i mean everytime she opened her mouth,the words would come out at break-neck speed.....And i'll always remember Mrs. Bridget,who is one of the two women(the other being mommy dearest)calling me handsome...Finally those periods of Bergis sir,who wouldnt miss a single chance to have a go at Mathew sir(the match reminded me somewhat of a wrestling match between The Undertaker(Mathew sir) & Funaki(Mr. Bergis))

How do i forget those Open Sessions,which had a dubious record of making atleast one female member of the ruling party mewl(and we loved every single bit of it....sorry girls).I can never forget those long,gruelling and intense sessions of penfights with my partners(Kishore Shetty in 8th,Pratik Sanghrajka & Manish Bhagtani in 9th,Sanjay Badani in 10th)God Bless them all for losing to me

Those cricket matches we played during scouts period.Most of us remember one such time when Aashish Shetty(we call him "daadhi",credit this to his beard)had single handedly won us the match....we celebrated as if the World Cup was ours.But the one match i'll never forget is the one when we played RUGBY,even though it was raining mercilessly..that was the time when Saleel "goliath" Pai (the real name is Saleel and not Sandy)had ripped off the shirt pocket of a particular Abhishek "midget" Raghunath,ma'an the look on abhishek's face was that of "such a helpless guy".

I was there when a shahrukh-like Amit Bamb(Vice President) had pulled a rabbit out of the hat...err actually it was a pornbook from some guy's lunch bag.And i was definitely there(although i would have given anything to be absent)when Mathew Sir had knocked the living daylight out of me,for reasons known only to him.

I am beginning to wonder,what caused me to open-up this pandora's box????? Oh yes! that visit to my school on Children's Day.I miss those senseless,stupid days...so much!!!And i know am gonna miss them forever.

In closing, a few of my friends made me realize something that a guy like me never wants to accept...the fact that eventually,people GROW-UP....every single one of them...am damn sure a few did... As for me,Well!!!lets just say:

am still waiting.....

Joy and Magic even when doing nothing.Just being next to each other,happy that in this vast world GOD and his Angel of Love did the miracle of making you two meet and become one.Who is this,your twin soul?Who,do you know for sure loves you like no one else?When your life is at its lowest who makes things better by just being present?

However sure you are,still ask God.If yours is a praying heart,then the one your heart wants is the one God wants you to have,so,who is this One?Who is His and Your Will?And never mind what else,who do you just simply love the most in the world?SOULS know only pure love,so in this very INCORRUPT state which soul do you love???While reading this,whose name came to your mind?If there is one answer to all these questions,then beleive me YOU HAVE YOUR ANSWER.

This is a question asked by some one much senior ....any takers????
" Like you, i liked Hazaaron Khwaishein aisi so much....But i am curious to know about something..i guess you must be much younger than me...i was a school going boy during emergency and i can obviously associate myself with the film esepcially since i was also brought up in the surrounding which was politically charged with left ideology. But how does the younger generation of today associate itself with the film? why the film has clicked so well with this generation in their twenties?"

A POSSIBLE REPLY:

It is more than relating......
Actually,this movie is a question raised by Sudhir Mishra.In this world wherein everything is fast-paced,every decision taken has to be a quick one,its here that sudhir tries to test our patience for justice.
The solution to the naxal problems isnt a simple one and Kay Kay by wasting his life(coz thats what he feels in the end) proved it to us.The reality prevails-We as youngsters(and for that matter every1 else) are quiet impatient when it comes to acheiving anything in life;eventhough someone has rightly said,Patience is the virtue.It is this longanimity that made Chitrangada love Kay Kay more than her own life.It is this patience that kept Shiney coming back again and again and again for a Chitrangada(who dint love him except for,as a friend),even though he could have had anyother girl.
The main reason why this flick clicked isnt because it portrayed the naxalite problems,but because it was the youths who took up the initiative to solve it,although it wasnt expected from them.It is this determination that everyone would prefer relating to more than anything else...
Hazaaron Khwaahishein Aisi as the name suggests doesnt tell you that the dreams have been fulfilled.No,it sort of badgers you that these are the ambitions,and if you have it in you,try fulfilling Atleast one.
This movie teases you to try and change the environment you live in.No,not the "Rang de basanti" style.This one has a bigger goal.Now,am not taking anything away from RDB,but given a choice i would say RDB was more commercially bound,and had a short term effect(again,short term not short scale).
Well this leads us to another tough question,difference between both of them:
I would define Rang de basanti as "Dying For a Cause".But there is something far more difficult than that.Its STAYING ALIVE AND SEEING TO IT THAT YOUR CAUSE IS MET...I said "staying" alive.In the process of staying alive,some breakdown(kaykay),some loose there Love yet regain there Life(chitrangada),while some are Blessed with Love(shiney).Sudhir Mishra in Hazaaron Khwaahishein Aisi has tried to warn us that life isnt a bed of roses.He has shown us,that the path to justice isnt a short and a sweet one;but it is lined with sacrifices,with tortures which have managed to conk out even the best.And if we choose to lead such a path,then we better be ready for anything and everything.....

For all those unfortunate ones who havent seen this masterpiece yet...a humble request....go watch it..

Just a preview...This by far is the best dialogue i've ever heard...Kaykay is addressing his group:

"To all you fans of Jimmy Hendricks & Bob Dylan,who fought against injustice in their own country,we want you to think,question,dont just listen not even to us."..."But what would Daddy say"."Tell Daddy life is not just fun,there is a famine in Bihar,people are dying in the countryside,and tell Daddy that he is responsible for it.For he is the Collaborator in a state which is a state of Big Landlords and Bourgeois Capitalist,and tell Daddy life is not just about getting a fat Salary and loving one's parenst,there are countries in this world in which people have established a new order,China,Vietnam,Telengana."

It has been a long time since I created on paper what my mind pictured.Sometimes we deliberately dismiss things, glaring at us, screaming for our attention. We ignore them with a futile hope that miraculously they will, somehow, ameliorate all by themselves. But that’s called foolishness. May I suggest a better word for it? Dear, it’s called love. Now, there are many, many who would disagree with me. Doesn’t every coin have two sides? Been in love once and finding really difficult to get out of it, I fail to understand it? What the hell is it? Chemistry? Biology? Or a combination of both? I, for that matter, fail to understand life, too. Or is it the other way round? Does life fail to understand me? Life, you see, finds a way to life. No matter what might be the odds against it, it somehow gathers itself and goes on. As they say just as happy days don’t last for long, so wont the sad ones.
Sometimes I wonder what might have happened if our dreams ever come true? Do we really want what we think we want? Desires have presented, each heart, its share of pains. Can we make our lives go in a direction we wanna? As Aristotle once said- not with things as they are, but with things as they might be and ought to be. We make and mar our lives, ourselves. No god, no destiny, but US. We hold the hand of life and lead it to a path. Time, as the saying goes, is the best healer. But what is the matter with time? Do we stand at a place and watch time fleet by or is it time, which gazes at us, little bemused, as we carry on with our humble selves. What would it be like to question time? What do u feel about me? When things started to go wrong? What could have been done? What I didn’t do? Right and wrong, aren’t those things relative?? Questions, questions, and even more questions. Do we ever write exactly as we feel? Do we ever feel what we write? I, pass each day, waiting to be enlightened. Someday, I’ll show life what it is like to live.

Actually its quiet amazing(if i can say that)how people expect to be loved in return.For all i know,love is just about giving;its about saying a certain "I LOVE YOU" to someone you really like.Now the fudamental flaw remains FREE WILL-the way you love someone,that someone too has the right to love whoever she likes.I might sound like a looser to many,but tell me,can you force anyone to love you just because you are in love with that peson,i mean,you can try telling her your innermost thoughts,but never can you force her.For a very simple reason that it would conflict with the very meaning of LOVE then.No matter how hard you try,its not gonna happen.And its no ones fault,its just that somethings are not meant to happen.The sole problem still persists-we fail to understand the complexities of this HEART.One wonders how come,(suppose)if i love myself more then anything else in this world,then why is it that others dont.However childish this question might appear to be,someday you'll get an answer,so wait for that day...and you know what???The wait,its worth it.

Finally TWO basic problems in life(or should i call them the REMEDIES):

1: You cannot FORCE anyone to love you(this implies to people who fall in love.In this case perhaps people like you and me,who hang on to love for too long and fail to realize that love is a two-way process).
2:You cannot EXPECT anyone NOT to love you(these include people whom we fall in love with and who forget that falling in love is an involuntary process).

I dont care how senseless these two rules appear to be,once you understand them you'll realize the true meaning of LIFE;and that is to say an "I LOVE YOU" to a person you adore....who cares if SHE loves you back Beleive me,its better to be rejected than be waiting for something thats never gonna come your way.But,what d heck!!!

Our LIFE is defined by two things-the people we have been with and the places that we have met them at.Although 99.99% of these people are not worthy of being remembered but the one thing which is,is the place where we met them.The school,college,a bus stop where we loittered around for more then half of our colleging times....Theres always a strong sense of attraction whenever we are near such places.Its like we wanna leave everything behind and just sense that earlier life,by spending a few moments at that place,trying to relive those old times.SCHOOLDAYS!!!well,they were the honeymoon of Life.It is after these days that we have to try and understand what Life reckons from us.A puzzle called life is out there to be solved and we have to leave behind that careless approach of ours.

The only place where the people matter more than the place itself is "HOME SWEET HOME".Everyday after school,after work,we return to the warmth and affection of those WHO LOVE US .Parents,perhaps the only people other then a few trusted friends and relatives who are worthy of being remembered,worthy of being treasured and above all worthy of being WORSHIPPED.Yet,once we grow up,once the place that our parents hold in our hearts is taken by someone else,its not that tough to forget them,is it? Everything that they did suddenly turns out to be worthy of just a few bucks-thats it!!!What then is the difference between us HUMANS and the same us BUSINESSMAN.Coz all that we do is try and compare and calculate and visualize which one would make a greater profit,Old Parents or New Found Love!!!

Unfortunately for us,although we might think it the other way around,the balance tilts towards the latter one;and here we are causing Heartbreaks,seeking Pain,creating Tensions,the result-ofcourse Life Goes Insane.Then one fine day just like that Life gives up on our parents and it is then that we realize,'Did they deserve this AGONY?'It is at this point that we sit and calculate the if's and or's of Life,only this time around its a human solving these equations unlike a businessman in the earlier case.Life suddenly seems quiet lonely,even though you have your children,your wife,a group of close friends,but as mentioned in the BHAGWAD GITA,it is our parents who LOVE us for no reason at all,the love of all others comes at a reason.A reason that might hardly take a second to turn into GREED.You wanna go back in life,you so badly wanna go back in Life.But this is Reality,no second chances here.HUMAN TENDENCY:Unless we get kicked in our butts we wont bother to try and win the game that is Life.And by the time we realize it,its too late.

LIFE was never meant to be perfect.The very fact that we are slogging it out here is the proof enough of the difference between GOD and US.We are somehow able to create mistakes while GOD fails miserably in this department.So try and cut down on your mistakes.We owe our parents everything,since they are the reason,they are all our REASONS.For once try loving them for no reason at all and you'll realize how much they do!!!If still unclear then,what do they say in your words,"Its worth a shot,you betcha,IT IS!!!"